Death Kappa (2010)

WARNING!!! This review contains SPOILERS!!!

I had heard of Death Kappa before I even really got into the Kaiju genre, I had seen the trailer a couple years back while scrolling through the horror movie section of Verizon FIOS' On Demand service. Being that I'm a fan of the genre now, and because Verizon FIOS was having a huge premium freeview event, I decided to check it out. The reviews for this movie seem to be either love/hate, and I personally have to disagree with the hate crowd. Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't love it, but I sure was entertained. I get it, there are people that will be bothered by the low budget, or the fact that all the vehicles are toys, or the fact that the reporter burning alive in front of the camera is a doll...

I have no words

... but that only added to the enjoyment for me, as a matter a fact, I don't think the movie would be half as entertaining as it was if it wasn't for those things.

As far as plot goes, the film centers around a young pop star who is sad because she has no talent and is moving back to the country to be with her grandmother, who raised her after her parents were killed in a car accident. When the grandmother is run over by a car, her dying wish is for her granddaughter to protect the Kappa, a mythical troll-turtle-frog-bird of Japanese folklore who loves cucumbers, dancing, and has a very special skill: Sumo wrestling.

The Kappa loves to dance to a song by the pop star that is so nonsensical and hilarious that it really can't be put into words:

"Someday, we'll be together, you and me / I'm wearing panties again today / The stars above are all lucky, happy / I'm going to end up putting our secret inside a treasure chest / I promise I'll bleed with a smile on my face near the seashore."

Then there are some government people who kidnap the pop star (did the movie even tell us her name?) and take her to their secret lair. There, a psychotic woman shows her their collection of biologically mutated fish soldiers, which she created to carry on the research of her late grandfather (who she pushes around in a wheelchair). Then they electrocute her and try to turn her into a fish soldier as well, until the Kappa comes to save the day. The psychotic woman then shoots everybody and finds a nuclear bomb that will obliterate the secret lair and all of her research and, for WHATEVER reason, decides to use it, and of coarse blows all of them up, resulting in a pretty cool looking explosion.

I don't know what effect they used to make this, but I like it.

Said explosion results in the birth of a giant reptilian creature (where it a actually came from is never explained) who obliterates the city and proves even the military's strongest of weapons to be useless.

That is, until the Death Kappa (who has grown to ginormous size as a result of the blast) comes to save the day once again.

Somebody wanna explain the cat to me?

After Death Kappa wins the battle, he starts destroying the city himself, until the pop star comes back, (completely unharmed and still in on piece despite being blown up by an atomic blast) and sings him that song again, oh man. She soothes him by pouring water on his gigantic bald spot. The Kappa then swims away and everyone waves goodbye. The end... or is it?

The problems with Death Kappa only make it that much more enjoyable it knows it's bad and on top of that has a bizarre sense of humor that suits my taste perfectly. A running gag in the movie is that several characters will yell "Mommy!" before being killed somehow.

Good? Maybe not. Entertaining? You bet your nozzle!

Gore Scale: 1/5

Nudity Scale: 0/5

7 out of 10 garbage bags